


I'm A Mess (Can You Hold Me Close?)

by Forever_And_Always_Dreaming



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Thoughts, Bruises, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Intrusive Thoughts, It's called venting-, Logic | Logan Sanders Has Feelings, Logic | Logan Sanders Has Issues, Logic | Logan Sanders Needs a Hug, M/M, Remus does in fact give him a hug though, So it's alright, Why do I keep hurting my boy?, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:49:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28635012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forever_And_Always_Dreaming/pseuds/Forever_And_Always_Dreaming
Summary: Logan takes on too much work, and drains himself. Remus finds him, and helps the best he can
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 6
Kudos: 63





	I'm A Mess (Can You Hold Me Close?)

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings include working too much, food/drink mention, skipping meals/drinking, and bad/intrusive/hurtful thoughts. I'm not sure what else, but let me know if I should add anything
> 
> Some of the thoughts kind of sound like a conversation? But it's not meant to be DID, or anything similar. I'm just going off the thoughts in my head, and how they sound. But I haven't been diagnosed with anything, so if it sounds like any kind of mental illness, it wasn't meant to be that way, but I dunno man. I'm just writing this in case anyone thinks I'm portraying DID or depression badly or something, because really, I'm just venting.  
> Oh and yes, this is a vent fic. I just have a lot of projects going on, a lot of drama is happening, school is back in session, and I feel horribly guilty for not writing like every day. And I know people would understand, but I have three requests to get to that I just haven't, and I feel bad. So this is my way of saying if I don't update, I'm just going through a lot. I hope you can understand, and forgive me for it.

Logan sighs, sinking to the ground. He presses his back against the door, tilting his head, so his cheek hits the coolness of the wood. Hopefully, that will calm his headache until he finds the energy to get up and take medicine. 

He sits there for a few moments, focusing on breathing. But it doesn’t help. The thoughts still come, swarming his mind like a hive of bees. Louder and louder until he can only hear them.

_Why aren’t you getting up? We need to finish our work._

_Talk to the others. They’ll help and understand._

_Don’t. You bothered them enough already._

_They also hurt us. Remember?_

_Why are we doing this? There’s nothing wrong._

_God, my head is killing me._

_When was the last time we had water?_

_That doesn’t matter. We need to work. They’ll be disappointed if we don’t._

_We can’t work. Not in this condition._

_That’s too bad. We have to._

_Get up._

_Please, get up._

_God, get up._

_Why aren’t you getting up?_

_You’re useless._

_Everyone despises you._

_You’re so dramatic._

_Shut up, shut up, shut up._

Logan sighs, massaging his forehead. Three, two, one. He rises on shaky legs. He does not have time to sit and wallow. He needs to work. He needs to get going.

So he will.

He ends up working for a whole day, forgetting to eat or drink. The other sides don’t notice, too busy with Thomas’s problems. He wants to tell them the solution, but they wouldn’t listen anyway.

_They don’t need you._

No, they don’t. Logically, no one needs anyone. However, it is important to continue working, as the others should not have to bear his share of the work. 

_It’s too much._

Yes, the work seems to be doubling lately. Multiple schedules, editing to get to, ideas to plan out. It’s a lot. But he can handle it. 

At least, that’s what he tells himself.

Later, in the evening, a knock sounds at the door. Patton has been leaving meals but has made no effort to communicate with him, so Logan figured that was who it was. Except, this time, there’s a voice.

“Come on, nerdy wolverine. This shit is boring without you.” Logan stays quiet, only briefly looking up from his laptop. “Lo? Lo. Lo, Lo, Lo. Lolo. Nerd. Smartass. Logan?” He continues to remain silent, going back to writing.

Then, a loud thud. 

Followed by several more thuds. The door falls like a Christmas tree, crashing to the ground. It barely misses him.

Soft footsteps pad over to him, and then arms wrap around his waist. A head is placed on top of his, the other’s chin slightly digging in, but it doesn’t hurt. 

Logan would even say it’s comfortable if he trusted his own voice. But he doesn’t, because he hasn’t said a word in days. 

_Scratchy, broken, mistake._

_Don’t say anything or he’ll notice._

_Why are you making a scene?_

_You’re so dramatic._

_You should have left earlier. Then this wouldn’t have happened._

He wants to protest. He wants to say, “you told me to stay in here.” But he doesn’t. 

The thoughts don’t listen anyway.

“Are you okay?” An unusually gentle voice asks. Logan flinches, having temporarily forgotten Remus was there. After a moment, he nods.

“Are you sure? You can tell me anything, you know. I can keep a secret!” He leans over, looking at Logan. 

Then, he takes his finger and drags it across his mouth. As his finger moves, a zipper is created, keeping his mouth shut. Logan rolls his eyes, fondly although he won’t admit it, and reaches forward to unzip it.

“It’s fine, Remus.” He says, softly. He doesn’t trust his voice any louder. 

Remus’s eyes widen in slight horror, very out of character for the Duke. Logan wonders for a moment if this is Janus in disguise or something like that.

“Why is your voice all.” He waves his hand, trying to find a word. Logan shrugs. “No, use your words, nerd. We need to figure this out.” 

_Don’t._

_He doesn’t care._

_You’re hurting him._

_You’re a burden._

_Shut up._

To everyone’s surprise, Logan’s eyes begin to water. He moves to brush away his tears before they can spill, but Remus takes his hands before he can. Then, he shifts forward and gathers Logan into his arms.

Like a dam waiting to explode, Logan begins to sob. Muffled hiccups and tears rushing down his cheeks turn into heart aching cries. 

Remus says nothing through it all, only holding him closer. Tighter. Not to keep him there, and trap him, but to protect him. To show him that he is loved, and cared for, without words.

_He doesn’t, he doesn't, he doesn’t._

Oh, but he does. If Remus didn’t care, he wouldn’t be here. Right? His answer comes in the form of a gentle kiss pressed to the top of his head.

“Let it all out. I’m not going anywhere. We love you, Lo. I love you.”

“You do?” Logan asks, hesitant. He finds himself rubbing his neck without meaning to. The bruise Janus’s cane caused still there, purple, and angry. 

_Janus does a better job of helping Thomas than you._

_Patton skipped you for a reason._

_Roman didn’t stop him, because he doesn’t care._

_Virgil’s never liked you, not really._

_Thomas only ever ignores you._

_Everyone does._

_Why is Remus here?_

“Look, Janus, he didn’t mean to. But that still doesn't make it right. I talked to him about it, and then the others. We all need to apologize for the way we treated you.” 

“You don’t have to-”

“Yes, we do. We should never have hurt you. Unless it's in a kinky way." Remus laughs, but it's broken, sad. Not a tone you would expect from him. "I’m so sorry, Lo.” He murmurs, gently tracing the mark.

And then Logan is crying again, but it doesn’t matter. All that matters is the safety he feels in Remus’s arms. 

Naturally, he can’t forgive everyone yet. But he will allow himself a moment of peace. And then, maybe they can talk and figure it out together.

Yes, that would be good.


End file.
